Alone.

OK, so I'm not alone as in the ...nobody loves me kind of thing. I am alone in my house for the first time since Thursday though. It's nice to have some solitude, especially since I feel like crap today. I guess having your insides rearranged takes some time to heal. I'm having a hard time getting anything but water down today. Which is sad because I made some decaf and whipped up a coffee drink with protien mix and carmel flavor when I woke up. The one sip I had was yummy. It's in the fridge so maybe I can get it down later.
I slept okay last night, no pain pills. I definitely will be taking some for my afternoon nap. It makes me nervous to take them so regularly, but I'm really feeling the need today.

The Deed is Done

It has been done. As I laid there on the bed, IV in hand, waiting to go to the OR, I was quite petrified. All or nothing. Doctors and nurses kept coming in and asking questions. They kept commenting on how calm and collected I was. What are other people doing in there while they wait? I was just laying there, talking to my mom. Every time they commented on my calmness I had a vision of some fat lady laying there crying. It was a year long process to get onto that operating table, if you hadn't come to terms with the idea at that point, maybe it isn't the right choice for you.
I have no memory of the operation beyond getting into the operating room and being strapped down to the table. I woke up in recovery for a few seconds maybe. The next thing I knew I was in my room with horrible pains in my abdomen. Apparently they pump gas into your insides to perform this surgery. I spent the next 24 hours either trying to get rid of the gas or in a morphine induced slumber. Definitely painful. Worst part of the whole experience thus far. By Friday afternoon I was feeling much better. I swallowed some blue dye, no leaks in my new pouch, so I got to have 4 tablespoons of water per hour for about 5 hours. And sadly, that was even tough to get down. I've progressed since then to protein shakes and pudding/yogurt. Still can't get much down.

Tomorrow is THE Day

So it begins. Clear liquids only today.
I have so much to do to get ready for the 2 day hospital stay. Not quite as much as if I were having a baby. I mean, there's no extra people coming home with me. I want to make sure everything is set for Steve and the kids. Gotta go to the store and get sippy cups for when I get home. Sippy cups are supposed to help me control how fast I am drinking my liquids. Yummy!
Time to get the kids ready for school.

It's really happening.

WOW. I went to my doctor over 1 year ago and told him I was interested in Gastric Bypass Surgery. It has taken 1 year and many appointments to get to this point. I look at the clock and see that I have 40 minutes left to eat whatever I possibly could want. After midnight, liquid diet. In less than 48 hours my stomach will be the size of a golf ball. I'm ready for this to happen. But still, it's really scary. I mean there is obviously a reason I need the surgery. So it should be a shock to no one that I really like food. I have spent my life struggling with my love of all things carb-loaded... sugary, fried, starchy, cheesy...my favorite food groups. But right now I am bidding them farewell and I feel a little weepy about it. The idea of never being able to scarf down a big fat bowl of pasta again is sad to me. BUT. The fact is I need this. I am unhealthy. I am always tired. I am uncomfortable all the time. (30 minutes left)
I have decided that writing a blog about this experience will be a great way for me to stay focused. Not that I expect too many people to see this, but having other people read and see how this affects me will be good. I don't know how I am going to feel about any of this after Thursday, but it is really happening.